Terrorised...

I have just returned after a brief outing in the near by marketplace. One thing that struck me was if someone was to open fire in one of those extremely crowded shops, there would certainly be no escape and probably more people would die of the stampede than bullets. It then struck me , that terrorism has become passe. Its rather alarming to be thinking about such things on a Sunday evening, when one supposed to be ideally unwinding. 

But given whats been happening in amchi mumbai, one better stop to give a thought to all that is lost in the nuture of utmost hatred. The event has left me short of words. 

What I have been unable to articulate, has been so expertly brought out by a good friend of mine, which you too can read by clicking  here. I think what he's written is simply perfect, and strongly recommend you read it too. 

For now,

All I can do is a silent prayer.

Stilled

I heard there is a virus in the air which is giving half of this city a bad time! But I also think there is another of these microscopic organisms thats giving half the bloggers a "writers block". Have been reading quite a bit these days hoping I suddenly get the inspiration! And I've seen a considerable quantity of ranting.

I'm not sure what it is. And I cannot seem to make out my mood . I'm not even under one of those cribby, whiny spells. I think I've resigned to fate or something. Whoa!!thats scary...but what ever. But yes I think I'm kinda waiting for a lot of things to happen. This is a funny phase you know- this 22-25 age, where you're done or atleast almost done with education. You've got a job, but still finding your waters on the job. And you know you've got to be patient. Just stay still for a while and only then the sea won't swallow you. The fact is you know at 24 you are not really "settled" in your job. But hell you can't be settled at 24.Then you be bloody buried by 32!

Then its the love life. At this age you probably have a girl friend /boy friend whom you really love or something. But whether marriage will be a necessary fall out of that, you can never say. You're in the waiting there as well. Insecurites hover around. May be this relationship has none of the sparkle left from the college days when it first begun. May be profession takes a priority. May be distance takes a toll. May be he/she is just not the one. what do you do? Wait! I don't mean to sound like a fatalist. But really there's nothing much you could do...And if you are my pathetic single bloke, then you register on one of these matrimonial sites, and wait for Cupid's arrow to strike your heart. Its pretty much like that...Not like in college when you've got deadlines and proper yard sticks. And could smoke up or get so drunk and think it solved every possible issue that required to be addressed. At 24 you know that its not true and its terrible to get to work with a hang over. Plus there's this voice of responsibility that kinda never shuts up. So you begin doing silly things like binge on food or clothes or something.

You've got your dreams and they get bigger by the day. Well they're meant to. But you cannot go all out for them. You don't have the darned dough for it!! What do you! Bulls eye! Wait. It reminds me of those finger on lips (that sounds corny for some reason now!) sessions in primary school, when we were asked to just shut up for a few minutes. I remember even then I used to get uneasy. Silence is just not my cuppa tea, you see. And so even now, I feel like a jack in the box waiting for life to start.

Or I'm not sure if this period of inertia is like a period of thanksgiving for all that you got until now, and in preparation for the rickety rockety ride that follows. Its a cranky phase you know, like one of those arbit stops the train makes in the middle of nowhere because its not got the go signal. And I'm getting impatient and fat, munching on all those fillers!

Tagged!Good Whiskey-Scotch is not an Obsession- Just a secret!

Been tagged by Inexplicably this time, and its about obsessions. I'm perpetually whining about how there's so much to do and so little time. So I presume 5 obsessions must be easy to come up with. I'm usually obsessed with mundane things, and like Murphy's propositions - the more I'm obsessed, the less i do the thing. Simple things are not getting done. Its just that I've got so many things going at the same time and in order to do reasonable justice to all, some of the things which is not-really-an-emergency and some of those wee-bit-boring-things do remain unfinished. For example, the market's crashing and everyone says its a good time to get in. But I don't have the time to sign up for a trading /demat account, because I'd rather spend those hours and that effort in front of mybooks, even if I am not exactly studying. What I'm doing is really a fire fighting job, minimum damage under maximum pressure.



When I began to write this I thought I've lost obsessions, but no,i guess its not that way...I still have em, (haah!!i'm still alive) just they are not like- right-there-in-the-face-type obsessions. They are just those deep seated obsessions which may not do the vanishing act just like that.



Bharatanatyam is my first. And I can say it sans all the murkiness I may associate with the rest. I've learnt the dance form for a long time now, and though I have not done it too many times, the stage and spotlights are something which could be my second and third obsessions. No matter how boring or drab I might sound, Bharatanatyam has taught me how to present myself publicly, its taught me some grit to survive in the midst of a life that went terribly out of track some months ago, its taught me hard work. I don't proclaim to do justice to fact that I've got things going with this form of dance, but it still is my life. I'd love to get into that kalakshetra saree and wear my kaajal and bindi and chalangai and commit myself to it. May be I would have done it if certain things were another way. But somewhere along the way formal education took a toll on my passion. I'm also the epitome of this attempt to be so many things at the same time, that leaves me in such incredulous situations.Siiiiiiiiiigghh!



Academics is my second. At 45 I'd love to be an academician who's going to her post doctoral fellowship thesis on something to do with law, women, religion, economics and the communist theory. How I'm going to link em all up, I have no clue now. Forty five is a long way to go. I have time I guess.In the process, I'd love to be an inspirer. Someone at whom atleast one person will point her fingers at and say- "wish I could be like her".



My third would be sugar. Yea. You read me right. Sugar it is! Candy, mithai, ice cream, dessert, pastries - you get the drift. I'm dead sure I'm going to die of renal failure. But hell!I'm going to die anyway. So I have no qualms. I love it and will stay this way.



Vishaka Hari is my fourth. She is a performer par excellence and man!!is she good!She is basically into musical discourses on Hindu mythology. One need not be religious to listen to her. Its like a story telling, and how alive she brings the story. The thing with her musical renditions is that the package deal as such is just perfect. Her make-up, costume, music, expressions. She is an inspirer and a great one at that. I won't waste her with my words. She fabulous and will stay that way!



My fifth obsession is my past. The more I run away from it, the faster it gets to me. I don't mean to sound like someone with a crazy past or anything. Mine's been pretty normal. Usual. Nothing extraordinary. But many times I'm always caught in this effort of being different from what I was.I'm not trying to sound like one of those ideal characters from a self help book. But either I don't like what I've done or how I've been. Sometimes, I feel like I'm running away from myself. Yea I know I sound like i need a shrink right away. May be I do, cos there are days when I drive myself nuts. So, yea...thats been five I guess.



I'm supposed to tag five people. But I wont do it. Simply cos, most ppl have already done this tag, plus I'm not really in the mood for tagging. But if someone reading this actually feels like, tag along. And lemme know. Will be a pleasure.