The Exaggerated Chronicles of the Edhir Aathu Maami

No matter how many times the wheel of time turns and turns and turns, no matter how much technology manages to contribute to complicate our lives, no matter how many high rise buildings rise and deplete the green environment, no matter how close we are to the wiping out of the ozone layer, no matter how close we are to an oil dry out, some things never, ever, ever change.

One among those near permanent features is the conspicuous and almost indispensable role the Edhir-aathu maami (literally:Opposite house aunty)plays in our day to day life. Lets see how far we go:

When suddenly the head of my family is intent on scoring some brownie points so he is assured a free pass to heaven, and wishes to be present at some far off temple with the rest of the family before even the Lord wakes up, the poor Edhir Aathu maami:

a. Takes the milk from the paal kaaran(milk man) and generously accommodates it in her fridge, and returns it with a well concealed frown, when we return and wake her up from her afternoon slumber.
b. Picks up the flowers left to hang pathetically on the door handle (believe me even criminals convicted to death get a better hanging than the way my flower lady leaves the flowers to hang) and sprinkles some water to save its last remaining breaths, before it can attain salvation at the feet or the head of the Lord. (sure she thinks that she will also gain some brownie points)
c. Opens the house when the maid servant comes to do the work, and passes on only 1/1000th the instructions my Mom/Granny said to pass on to the maid.
d. Keeps a watchful eye on the house during the period of our absence, lest she misses the opportunity of grabbing some succulent piece of gossip that she can pass on at the ritualistic evening gathering for the gossipers and gossip mongers of the flat.

She becomes the official treasurer of the spare set of keys, which come in handy when I forgetfully shut the door in a hurry, with the keys inside. Trust me, she avoids a catastrophe, in so much as I am spared a hard spanking for firstly being so useless and incapable and culminate in what a hapless wife I will be one day, how ineligible I am for marriage etc etc.

She is compelled to assume the role of a guinea pig to all the horrible and not so horrible recipes my granny reads in Mangayarmalar/ watches in Saapida Vangal on Sun T.V. Mind you the torture does not end there. She is further constrained to admire my granny’s culinary skills and marvel about how the previous generation makes a far better cook that hers and about how the next generation will as usual make useless wives/mothers.(like that is the only purpose of birth!!)

And oh! the days when the milk splits on the gas stove and my Granny is done cursing the milk man or the frequent electricity cuts, the Edhir aathu maami becomes the resource for an urgent cuppa coffee for an uninvited guest.

Poor her, she should also listen to the ranting of my granny’s recent USA visit. Of course she will use the opportunity to boast about how well her son is doing at his job in California or how her daughter got a scholarship at the University of Buffalo.

Her portfolio is also requires her to salute my granny’s bargaining skills at Pondybazaar where she picked up some plastic tub for half the price at which it is sold at Saravana stores or become the target subject of envy of my granny’s immaculate taste in sarees and jewellery.

The edhir aathu maami is a companion on lonely mornings, rival when it comes to trading insider family information, guard on long holidays, guardian during the brief absence of mom, shoulder, pillar pedestal et al. And mind you its not always victimisation, we happen to be someone’s edhir aathu maami as well.